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EVERY word and phrase has a purpose & should
be used to its fullest potential. Deep
Point of View refers to getting inside your character and writing almost from
their first-person perspective. It’s POV that connects the reader to the
character’s emotions, letting the reader become closer to the story, more
involved. Even
without “deep POV,” you can tighten your writing by being aware that EVERY
word counts. Each word, phrase, paragraph, scene, and chapter should work
together to progress your story either by revealing GMC or dropping a clue
that will help the reader understand something at a later point. Deep
POV ties emotion to actions and reactions, and connects the current action to
what’s going on inside the character’s head (introspection, emotion, reaction).
*
* * People
think in specifics. Letting characters think in specifics brings us closer to
that character and WHY they’re thinking what they’re thinking at that exact
moment. When you’re deep in a character’s POV, that character doesn’t keep secrets
from himself (a Suzanne Brockmann tip). *
* * Think
about your own introspection. Would you think: How does he know that? I’ve never
told anyone this secret. -- How does he know? I’ve never told
anyone I hitchhiked to the coast. Would you think: That's exactly what he expected her
to do. -- That’s exactly what she’d do. Very
simple changes subtly change a sentence from “telling” into “showing.” Avoid
using “Telling” words and phrases: felt, saw, heard, just as, plus, because,
knew, little does she know, without a second thought, however, she continued,
he thought, she realized, couldn’t help but, can’t help noticing. DEEP
POV lets the reader experience the story... instead
of someone telling them the story. AN EXAMPLE OF GREAT
“DEEP POV” From
one of my favorite authors...one of her characters that has never left my
memory... OUT OF CONTROL by
Suzanne Brockmann Ballantine Publishing Group, March 2002
(pg. 1) At about 0530 that very morning, Ken
“Wildcard” Karmody became a terrorist. It wasn’t a career move he would
normally have made, especially on such short notice, with no time to prepare properly.
But seeing how it was a direct order, he had no choice but to embrace it
completely. “You believe you’ll be rescued in a
matter of a few short hours, don’t you, Mr. Bond?” he asked his hostage -- an
SAS enlisted named Gordon MacKenzie who was sitting, tied up, on the sagging
floor of the hut they’d finally chosen as Tango HQ. “But such an easy
escape--no, it is not to be.” “Ah, Christ.” Gordie rolled his eyes
along with his rs, sounding as if he were doing an excellent imitation of Scotty
from Star Trek, except, hot damn, Jim, the Scottish accent was for real.
“Here we go, on the move again, is that what you’re trying to tell me?” Kenny slipped neatly from Evil Overlord
to Yoda. “Try not,” he told Gordie solemnly as he untied the rope that held
the Scot’s feet. “Do. Or do not.” He grinned. “And in this case, my friend,
what I need you to do for me is strip.” ~~~ Ms. Brockmann almost begins in an
omniscient POV. But the more you read, the more you hear Kenny’s VOICE and
style shining through. Ms. Brockmann introduces two characters
and a situation in these few paragraphs. In this short time, we definitely
get to know Wildcard Karmody. He’s a Star Trek & Star Wars fan, loves
Scottish accents, obeys orders, likes to prepare for assignments, and is a
cut-up and a half. We assume Kenny knows Gordon, because he’s shortened his
name to a nickname. And when Kenny grins in the last paragraph, you know it’s
deliberately rubbing salt into Gordie’s wound... Gordie is captured and Kenny
is in charge. DEEP POV COMPARED TO
FIRST PERSON The personal POV... Suzanne
Brockmann shares a technique in her workshops...writing a scene in first
person and changing as few words as needed to make it third person POV. REWRITTEN PASSAGE: this is the middle of a scene
with Ken Karmody and Savannah von Hopf. I have underlined and highlighted the
words I changed. Ms. Brockmann’s printed passage immediately follows. I cranked the jack and lowered the car to the ground. “No
sweat. Grease washes off.” I put the jack in
with the spare, closed the trunk. “I’m so sorry.” She was actually upset
about this. “So you’re automotively challenged -- so
what? You want to see real trouble? Ask me to practice law.” Jackpot. I
coaxed a smile out of her. “Are you always so nice?” she asked. “Nah, like I said, you caught me on a
good day.” And there they were, standing next to
her flat tire, smiling at each other like a pair of fools. I cleared my throat. “So, um, where are you staying?” “At the Hotel Del Coronado.” The “Will you have dinner with me?” That was it. That was the question that I should have asked her. OUT OF CONTROL by
Suzanne Brockmann Ballantine Publishing Group, March 2002
(pg. 25) Ken cranked the jack and lowered the
car to the ground. “No sweat. Grease washes off.” He put the jack in with the
spare, closed the trunk. “I’m so sorry.” She was actually upset
about this. “So you’re automotively challenged -- so
what? You want to see real trouble? Ask me to practice law.” Jackpot. He’d coaxed a smile out of her.
“Are you always so nice?” she asked. “Nah, like I said, you caught me on a
good day.” And there they were, standing next to
her flat tire, smiling at each other like a pair of fools. Ken cleared his throat. “So, um, where
are you staying?” “At the Hotel Del Coronado.” The “Will you have dinner with me?” That was it. That was the question that
he should have asked her. ~~~ Notice
how few words need to be changed. The reader knows how Ken thinks. His
introspection is a very distinctive dialogue with himself. DESCRIBING ACTION Let the reader experience the
story instead of telling them the story... When
an author “lists” what a character is doing, they are viewing the scene from
somewhere else -- meaning another character or an omniscient POV -- the
author usually ends up “telling” what’s happening instead of “showing” the
action. To get deep POV, the author concentrates more on emotion and/or WHY
the character is consciously thinking about his own movements. Combining action, emotion and scene
pulls the reader in and keeps them turning pages. Another outside character
can’t know the true emotional reaction of what’s happening to the characters
involved in the scene, and an omniscient POV places an interpretation upon
the feelings the characters are experiencing. The following is a rewritten example of
listing details instead of using deep POV and combining actions with emotion.
The original passage immediately follows. REWRITTEN PASSAGE: this is the beginning of a new scene
from CROSSFIRE where POV has not been established yet. Ms. Mill’s printed
passage immediately follows. Elizabeth hid in the thicket. She
listened for the sound of a cooing dove. Or footsteps. Or gunfire.
She heard the wind rattle the pine needles. At least she hoped it was
the wind, she thought.
Her legs began to hurt, and her hand cramped from holding the gun.
She glanced at her watch. It had been an hour since Hawk had left. The
temperature had dropped when the sun went down. The only warmth came from
his jacket she had put on when he’d left. She knew it smelled like him. CROSSFIRE by
Jenna
Mills Silhouette Intimate Moments #1275, Feb
2004 (pg. 71) The birds had stopped singing. Only the wind made its presence known,
rattling the brittle pine needles surrounding her. At least, she hoped it was the wind. Her legs burned from the awkward
position in which she sat, her hand cramped from holding the gun. But she
refused to move, to relax, to let down her guard. In the hour since Hawk had left, the
temperature had steadily dropped. Not much sunlight squeezed through the
thick undergrowth. The only warmth came from the leather of his jacket, which
she’d shrugged into the second he’d turned from her. The scent of musk
mingled with that of pin and mud. ~~~ Even
without the first 70 pages of CROSSFIRE, in these few lines the reader is
given a lot of details about DEEP POV THROUGH
SETTING If the description doesn’t impact
the character, it won’t impact the reader. Setting
is more than just describing the landscape or type & color of the
furniture. If a man walks into a room and notices
the paisley print curtains, he better be an interior designer or those
curtains better look just like the set at his mother’s house. It’s not
“in-character” for the Average Joe to notice curtains. The same goes for a
heroine standing on her porch and describing her surroundings that she sees
every day. The author needs a reason for the heroine to be thinking about her
surroundings. At least one of your characters will be
very familiar and comfortable with their corner of the world. The other will
be observing not only the new locale, but also the way another character
moves through it. Setting is the tone of your characters’
surroundings. Observations about the actual way things look vs. the way
things make a character feel. One or two words throughout a character’s
thoughts can set the tone of your book and give you an excellent backdrop. TIME
OF DAY -- long shadows, blinding sun, pitch black, bright and early, God awful early PLACE -- chilling, dark, dry, hot,
stark, void NEW
SCENERY -- new observations, something’s different in the familiar setting COMFORTABLE
SCENERY -- nothing ever changes, consistency EMOTION
-- how the setting affects the characters TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT by
Sharon
Mignerey Silhouette
Intimate Moments #1098 August 2001 (pg. 9) The air was chilly, and she rubbed her
hands up and down her arms to banish the goose bumps. A hundred yards away
the inlet glistened beneath a bright canopy of stars flung across the sky.
She inhaled deeply, loving the scent of the rain-washed air. This simple
pleasure was one of the reasons she had come to To her surprise the dog didn’t step off
the porch to do his usual middle-of-the-night thing, but stood next to her,
his head cocked to one side, his nostrils twitching. The last traces of
sleepiness left Rosie. This was Sly in his working stance. Someone was out
there. ~~~ Descriptions
setting tone and scenery: TIME
OF DAY -- glistened beneath a bright canopy of stars, his usual
middle-of-the-night thing, last traces of sleepiness PLACE
-- chilly, goose bumps, Alaskan inside passage NEW SCENERY (new observations) -- his head
cocked to one side, his nostrils twitching COMFORTABLE
SCENERY (nothing ever changes) -- a hundred yards away the inlet,
rain-washed air, simple pleasure, solitude, step off the porch, his working
stance EMOTION
-- loving the scent, this simple pleasure, in the solitude she had found
herself again, regained a sense of purpose, surprise, sleepiness left In
two paragraphs, Ms. Mignerey sets a terrific scene with emotion and
description relevant to the progressing story. Mignerey takes a setting and
weaves it through the story so intricately...the story can’t take place
anywhere else. The setting becomes a character in the book.
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Copyright 2004 Angi Platt -- all rights reserved, please
obtain written permission before use.
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